Boundaries: Loving You and Me at the Same Time

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” – Prentis Hemphill

That quote stops me in my tracks every time. Because so often, we think of boundaries as cold or harsh—like a wall we put up to keep people out. But what if boundaries were actually a way of keeping love alive? What if they were the space where both of us can exist without one person shrinking, overextending, or losing themselves?

You’re likely juggling a lot career goals, relationships, maybe parenting or caregiving, all while trying to keep some sense of yourself intact. With everything going on in the world these days it’s easy to slip into old habits of over-functioning: saying yes when you mean no, stretching yourself too thin, or silencing your own needs because you don’t want to rock the boat. But here’s the truth: when you abandon yourself in order to keep the peace, you’re not actually protecting the relationship—you’re starving it.

Boundaries as Love in Action

Prentis Hemphill’s words remind us that boundaries aren’t about distance for the sake of distance. They’re about creating enough room for everyone’s needs to matter. They’re the practice of saying: I care about you, and I care about me too.

Think of it like tending a garden. If you plant flowers too close together, neither has the space to thrive. Boundaries are the spacing that allows both to bloom.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

For some, this might mean not checking work emails after 7 p.m., so you can fully be with your partner or kids—and also protect your own rest. For others, it might look like telling a friend, “I love catching up, but I don’t have the capacity for a two-hour call tonight. Can we talk for 20 minutes instead?” Or maybe it’s stepping back from family obligations that drain you, and showing up in the ways that feel sustainable.

In each example, you’re not withholding love—you’re shaping it in a way that doesn’t erase yourself.

Starting the Practice

Boundaries can feel intimidating if you’ve been conditioned to believe that your worth comes from how much you give. But like any new practice, you can start small.

Notice where resentment or exhaustion creep in. Those feelings are signals that a boundary may be missing. Practice clear, kind language, even if it feels awkward: “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I need some time to rest before I commit.” And expect that at first, guilt will show up. That’s normal. It means you’re rewriting old scripts.

When in doubt, return to Hemphill’s wisdom: Am I loving both of us in this moment?