The Gentle Art of Boundaries: Caring for You and Them at the Same Time

Let’s be real: most of us were never taught how to set boundaries. We were told to be polite, to be helpful, to “just get along.” But very few of us were told it was okay to say no, or to speak up when something didn’t feel right. By the time we hit adulthood, setting boundaries can feel like we’re breaking some unspoken rule.

Here’s the truth: boundaries are not about shutting people out. They’re about making sure there’s enough room for you and the other person to exist in the same relationship without one of you running on empty.

Think of boundaries like the guardrails on a road. Without them, you’d probably drift, crash, or veer into someone else’s lane. With them, you’ve got a clear path that keeps everyone safer.

Where to Start

If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, start small. Pay attention to the moments when you feel tense, resentful, or drained. Those feelings are often your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something’s off here.” That’s your cue that a boundary might be needed.

Next, practice simple, clear language. Boundaries don’t have to come with long explanations or apologies. In fact, the shorter and kinder, the better. Try:

• “I’m not available tonight.”

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

• “I can help for 30 minutes, but not the whole afternoon.”

Notice how those statements are calm, direct, and free of over-explaining. You don’t owe anyone a full essay on why you need space.

Expect Discomfort

The first time you set a boundary, it may feel awkward. You might worry that people will be upset with you, or that you’ll come across as selfish. That’s normal. Remember—you’re unlearning years of conditioning that told you to put yourself last.

And here’s the thing: someone might not like your boundary. But how they react isn’t something you can control. Boundaries are less about managing others and more about taking responsibility for your own well-being.

Boundaries in Everyday Life

In real life, boundaries might look like:

• Turning off email notifications after work so you can actually rest.

• Saying no to social plans when you’re exhausted instead of pushing through.

• Letting family know you won’t be discussing certain topics that leave you feeling depleted.

• Taking a break from a group chat that’s stressing you out.

Each one of these is an act of care—not just for yourself, but for the relationship too. Because when you show up rested, honest, and authentic, you’re offering the best version of you.