You’re Allowed to Rethink Everything: Letting Go of Inherited Beliefs and Choosing Your Own Values

So many of us grew up learning what to believe before we ever got the chance to ask why.

Maybe it was religion, family rules, cultural expectations, or “how we’ve always done things.” Maybe you were taught to never question authority, to prioritize others over yourself, or to measure your worth by productivity, obedience, or sacrifice.

If you're neurodivergent—especially if you were undiagnosed growing up—you may have learned to conform just to survive. To be "good," even if it cost you your authenticity.

But there comes a moment when something inside you whispers:
What if there’s another way?

Inherited Beliefs vs. Chosen Values

Inherited beliefs often arrive without consent. They’re passed down like hand-me-downs: worn, familiar, and sometimes ill-fitting.

• “Family comes first, no matter what.”

• “Good people don’t talk back.”

• “You have to earn rest.”

• “Your feelings aren’t as important as keeping the peace.”

But just because something is familiar doesn’t mean it’s aligned.

Chosen values are different. They’re rooted in your lived experience, your knowing, and your right to choose a life that makes sense for you. They require reflection, discomfort, and sometimes the courage to disappoint the people who shaped you.

The Grief and Fear of Letting Go

Unlearning isn’t clean or easy. Even when we want to break free from toxic systems or outdated scripts, we often bump into guilt, grief, and fear.

• Grief for the time lost trying to be someone you’re not.

• Fear that letting go of certain beliefs means losing your community, identity, or sense of belonging.

• Guilt that you’re being disloyal to your family, culture, or faith.

These emotions don’t mean you’re wrong. They mean you’re human—and that what you’re doing is brave.

It's not betrayal to say: This no longer fits who I am becoming.

For ADHD Brains, It’s Especially Complicated

When you’re neurodivergent, identity can already feel like shifting sand. You might be newly diagnosed or only now realizing how much masking shaped your sense of self. That makes values work both empowering and overwhelming.

It’s okay if your values take time to emerge.
It’s okay if they change.
It’s okay if you feel torn between craving structure and craving freedom.

You get to define what stability looks like—on your terms.

What belief are you beginning to question—and what value do you want to replace it with?

• What’s something you were told you had to be?

• What version of yourself are you reclaiming?

• What kind of safety or belonging are you creating for yourself now?

You are not wrong for changing.
You are not selfish for choosing peace over obligation.
You are not betraying your roots by growing in a different direction.

This is what healing looks like: not just soothing old wounds, but rewriting the story of who you are—on your own terms.

You deserve a belief system that honors your truth, your body, and your beautiful, neurodivergent brain.

If these words resonate with you, I’d love to help you continue to untangle this. Reach out today for a free 15 minute consultation.