ADHD and Relationships: Married to Distraction by Dr. Edward Hallowell and Sue George Hallowell

This is for educational purposes and not meant to replace therapy with a licensed mental health professional.

You can find Edward Hallowell’s published books at used small book stores by clicking HERE

If you’ve ever felt like ADHD is the third wheel in your relationship, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong. Married to Distraction by couple Dr. Edward Hallowell (A leading researcher in the field of ADHD) and Sue George Hallowell is a compassionate, relatable guide for couples where ADHD plays a starring (and sometimes frustrating) role.

This isn’t just a book for partners of people with ADHD—it’s also for those of us who live with ADHD and feel the emotional toll it can take on our relationships. Miscommunications, forgotten tasks, emotional flooding, and shame spirals don’t just happen inside our own heads—they ripple out into the dynamics with the people we love.

What makes this book stand out? It doesn’t villainize either partner. The Hallowells walk a delicate and deeply respectful line, validating both the neurodivergent experience and the experience of the partner who might feel ignored, overwhelmed, or lonely. There’s no finger-pointing—just a lot of insight, tools, and hope.

A few standout takeaways:

ADHD can distort attention, not affection.
ADHD makes it hard to prioritize or stay present, especially when life gets busy or overstimulating. If you or your partner has ADHD, this doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means your brain’s filter for “what’s urgent” and “what’s important” can get scrambled. That can lead to missed bids for connection, forgotten conversations, or emotional reactivity that feels mismatched to the moment. Knowing this can turn a moment of hurt into a moment of understanding.

Communication has to be proactive, not reactive.
The book offers practical tools for scheduling regular check-ins, naming ADHD dynamics without shame, and making agreements that work for both partners’ nervous systems. It’s not about perfection—it’s about being intentional.

Unaddressed resentment builds fast.
Many couples fall into a painful pattern: one partner takes on more to “compensate,” the other spirals into guilt and avoidance, and both end up feeling disconnected. The authors remind us that these cycles aren’t inevitable—but they do need attention and care.

There’s space for joy.
This isn’t just a book about conflict—it’s about connection. The Hallowells write with humor and heart, and they genuinely believe that couples touched by ADHD can thrive—with some structure, insight, and a whole lot of grace.

Reflective prompt:
What ADHD patterns show up in your relationships—and what do they protect you from feeling? How might you gently name them, without blame or shame?

If you or your partner lives with ADHD, Married to Distraction is a valuable, affirming read. It doesn’t minimize the challenges, but it also doesn’t pathologize the people experiencing them. You’re not alone, and you’re not doomed. You’re human—and with the right tools, connection is possible.