Big Feelings, Tender Hearts: Navigating Emotional Dysregulation with ADHD

Jun 2

Welcome back! Today we’re talking about a part of ADHD that often gets overlooked—but deeply felt: emotional dysregulation. If you’ve ever felt like your emotions hit harder, last longer, or derail your day more than they “should,” you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.

For many adults with ADHD, intense emotional responses are more than mood swings or “being sensitive.” They're rooted in the way our brains process stimuli and regulate reactions. And while emotional dysregulation isn't always listed in the core diagnostic criteria for ADHD, leading researchers like Dr. Russell Barkley argue that it’s one of the most impairing features of the condition (Barkley, 2015).

What is Emotional Dysregulation?

Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty managing emotional responses in a flexible, appropriate way. In ADHD, this often looks like:

Reacting quickly and intensely to small frustrations
Struggling to recover from emotional upsets
Feeling shame or overwhelm after conflicts
Going from “zero to sixty” emotionally, without much warning

One of the most painful manifestations of this is Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).

What is Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?

RSD is an intense emotional sensitivity and pain triggered by the perception—real or imagined—of rejection, criticism, or failure. Even minor cues (a paused text thread, a stern tone, or neutral feedback) can activate deep feelings of shame, inadequacy, or panic.

People with ADHD may internalize these experiences quickly, thinking:

“I messed up—again.”
“They must be mad at me.”
“I’m too much, or not enough.”

These stories aren’t facts. They’re often old scripts fueled by a dysregulated nervous system, not reality. But they still hurt.

ADHD and Impulsivity: The Emotional Domino

ADHD can also lead to impulsive reactions during emotional spikes. That might mean quitting a job after a tense conversation, sending a risky text, or withdrawing completely from someone you care about. These choices often bring temporary relief—but longer-term regret.

So what can you do when your emotions feel overwhelming and reactive?

Three Tools for Navigating Emotional Triggers with ADHD

Practice Delayed Decision-Making

When emotions are high, clarity is low. That’s why one of the most effective ADHD impulse control strategies is simply this: wait.

Try saying to yourself:

“I’m allowed to feel this fully—and I’m going to wait 24 hours before I decide anything about it.”

Create space between emotion and action. Journal. Take a walk. Text a friend just to say “I’m feeling big things, I don’t need fixing, I just need a witness.” Often, what feels urgent in the moment softens with time.

Tip: Use a notes app or a “Feelings Parking Lot” journal to hold your thoughts without acting on them immediately.

Engage in Self-Soothing Techniques

Emotion regulation starts with nervous system regulation. Some of the most accessible and ADHD-friendly techniques include:

Box breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4 (repeat 3–5 times)
Wall pushes: Press your palms into the wall as you breathe deeply. Great for releasing tension.
Movement breaks: Shake it out, go for a walk, stretch your arms above your head.

These work by calming the amygdala and helping the prefrontal cortex (your wise, decision-making brain) come back online (Pittman & Karle, 2015).

Tend to the Tender Parts

If RSD shows up, ask yourself gently:

“What am I afraid this moment says about me?”
“What part of me is feeling unloved, unseen, or unsafe?”
“What would I say to a friend in my shoes right now?”

Offer that same kindness to yourself. Healing emotional dysregulation isn’t about becoming unbothered—it’s about building a relationship with your emotions where you stay in the driver’s seat.

You Deserve Emotional Safety—Internally and Externally

Navigating ADHD and emotional regulation is a practice, not a perfection. Your sensitivity is not a flaw—it’s a signal. With the right tools and support, you can learn to respond rather than react, and find peace within the parts of you that feel too big, too fast, or too much.

If you're working through rejection sensitivity or impulsive reactions and want a space to explore these patterns with support, I’d love to work together.

Citations:

Barkley, R. A. (2015). Emotional dysregulation is a core symptom of ADHD. The ADHD Report.
Pittman, C. M., & Karle, E. M. (2015). Rewire Your Anxious Brain. New Harbinger Publications.
TherapistAid.com. (2023). Cognitive Distortions.

Laney Holtgrefe